Thursday, February 17, 2011

100 Days

I know it has been awhile since my last entry...but rest assured it is not for lack of content.

Let's see, Noah was rushed to the ER Christmas Eve because Kipper busted his lip open with a wooden spoon. When I showed Kipper the picture of Noah's swollen lip his reaction, "Wow...I didn't know I could do that."

So, Noah celebrated Christmas with three stitches and a tiny scar serves as a permanent reminder. You'll be happy to know, Kipper still announces, "I didn't poop in my pants" and still beats the snot out of Paw Paw.

But this is where my story begins. Noah celebrated 100 days of Kindergarten with a parade at school. I took my lunchbreak and went to see my growing boy marching in the parking lot wearing a mask and chanting "100 Days."

After the parade I took Noah with me back to work since it was almost time for dismissal and I wouldn't have time to finish my work and pick him up by 5:30.

Now, Noah loves coming to visit everyone at Fox Ten. After you hear this story you will understand why it will be 100 PLUS days before I bring him back.

While I finished my work, Noah wanted to go and talk to my boss. Yes, the man who hired me, decides my pay and controls my destiny in this business we call news.

Okay, picture this...I see Jackie our secretary laughing uncontrollably, Chasity Byrd busting at the seams and my boss rolling with laughter too. In the middle of it all Noah - still wearing his school uniform and charm from his 100 days parade.

I rush into the boss' office and ask Chasity, "What did he say?" I didn't have to wait for the answer...Noah was still giving his impromptu stand up routine about my behavior at home.

First he puts his hand on his hip and tells the boss, "Mama might be nice at work, but she is not nice at home."

Okay...not so bad right? Every kid thinks their Mama can be mean.

Well, it didn't stop there.

"She yells at me and tells me to go to your room," said Noah. Mind you he is very demonstrative in his speaking. Pointing his finger and yelling.

The show continues..."She spanks me too. One time she stepped on my leg and I had to do this..." This is the part where Noah jumps on one leg to show everyone how he had to walk after I apparently stepped on his leg.

Okay I think, I can handle this. I obviously didn't step on his leg on purpose and yes, I do tell him to go to his room.

But this, the next three words uttered from his little mouth are what caused me to wish Kipper would magically appear and knock me unconscious with that infamous wooden spoon.


Yep, he told the boss I fart...not pass gas or poot, but FART.

How do I recover from this? I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Noah, why would you say that?"

There's a common saying in court, never ask a witness a question when you don't know the answer.

I definitely didn't see this answer coming.

"Because you do," Noah said.

Again, where is that wooden spoon.